"Thanks for sharing. I don't think I ever shared this with you but Kayleigh was my whole world after she was born. I enjoyed every second, every challenge, every day. I realize now looking back that when she had the 25 minute seizure in my arms, and as I rode in the ambulance alone unable to help her out, that a part of me shut down. All of a sudden I realized that we had become so meshed together that I couldn't live without her. I thought I would die on the 3 hour trip to the hospital while she was being flown by helicopter. I was really afraid I was going to lose her. I think maybe that is why I am so hard on her. I don't think I ever got over that day. Today, I will accept less from her and love her more. I will let her sing all day and drive me crazy and tell her she DOES have a chance to win American Idol. I will give her 15 minutes at the end of the day when I say good_ night instead of 2. Augh! 2 minutes sounds horrible when I say it out loud. Thank you for the wake up call dear friend. I sure needed it!"
After I read Kim's post, I was forced to take a long look at myself. I had to ask myself whether I was giving my own daughter everything that she needs. She is at the age where she is changing before my eyes, both physically and mentally. She challenges me in many ways--she has to have the last word, even if she is dead wrong. She sometimes thinks I'm the meanest person in the world--and she just won't take no for an answer, where eye shadow is involved:)
This is hard for me. How do I allow her to grow up, but still keep her as my little girl? Last week, she went shopping with a friend and her mom straight from gymnastics practice. She had to borrow a friend's clothes, as she didn't have any with her. She came home wearing a shirt that I never would have bought for her...a fancy little"teenage number." Don't get me wrong. It was adorable--just something, in my eyes, that was too old for her. She would also love to wear the Victoria Secret "Pink" line like most of her friends. I still want her to be a kid and I personally think that there is very little about Victoria's Secret that represents being a kid.
I feel like she needs more from me than any of my girls right now. She is quiet and not quite sure how to handle friendships. Her school friends can't understand why she spends so much time at the gym and she rarely gets to see her gym friends outside of the gym because they attend different schools. She feels like she is at an awkward phase and I'm not sure that I've taken the time to reassure her that there's nothing awkward about her. So yesterday, Kim, I gave her more than the two minutes of quality time that I, too, am guilty of giving. I know that I am hard on her, wanting to be certain that she can stand on her own, when the time comes. Yesterday, I pledged to praise more and accept less, without loving her less.
I talked to her about how beautiful she is and how proud I am of her. We made a date to go shopping for some "Wednesday" clothes (Wednesday is the day when she doesn't have to wear school uniforms). I also scheduled a facial and appointment at the MAC counter, so she can learn to wear eye shadow in an age-appropriate manner. My husband is traveling, so I even allowed her to come into my bedroom and cuddle with me until she fell asleep again. I told her that she can count on me for anything and that she can trust me with whatever she is going through, even if she thinks it's bad. I promised her that I would not judge her as she grows up--but, that I would always be there for her. She smiled and closed her eyes and is still sleeping next to me.
I feel good. She is happy and I think this is a huge step in our journey towards the teenage years. Thank you, Kim, for inspiring me to enjoy my daughter more, to talk to her more and to allow her to be her! Here's my special girl:) Looking Forward to Day Five!
9 comments:
Thank you, Ericka, for such inspiring words today! It is so hard when we want our kids to succeed and accomplish everything we know they are capable of doing. Sometimes we get into a mode of "giving advice" which feels like unacceptance to them and forget to give them the love and support the really need from us. I am going to make sure that I make the quality time for mine and make sure they know how wonderful I think they are! --Julie Moyer
This really hit home with me because growing up I was always the smart one who was intended to be a doctor ... I was never praised on my success but was scold on my failures... I don't ever remember my mother or father telling me they love me... never heard it... so I retreated to my room... spent my time reading.... did I become a doctor ..
no...to this day I have no relationship with my father... I am a disappointment to him... but everynight as I tuck my daughter in bed I always tell her that I love her and she means the world to me..
Wow! I have a 13 year old son and I kind of missed the boat when he was in seventh grade. He is very gifted and I saw the signs when his grades dropped drastically! It was difficult to give him the 2 minutes because I had just given birth to my second child who ended up staying in the hospital for a month, all eyes were on this baby! I just knew that my preteen was smart, responsible etc..and that he could handle everything. I took for granted that he was still a child that needed mommy's attention! He was no longer the only child-we both had some growing to do! We are now spending more quality time together, now that he is entering Highschool this year. I will be his chauffeur in the morning and in the afternoon, his personal chef, his councellor, his mom and so forth. I literally only have him for four more years so I have to learn quick. He spent majority of his life (12 yrs) having it all by himself and now he has to share with two little people. It is definitely a learning experience. I wish someone would have told me at least two years in advance. You live and you learn!
Loved the post as much as I love both our girls. Every day I will strive to send the message that my girl is terrific in every way and that 3rd place in the 50 fly is awesome ;) ! I will be here soft place to fall and her biggest cheerleader. Your blog will be my daily reminder!
Thank you so much for this Ericka.
This message was right on time. Kaia is 11 and she's now entering this pre-teen life and it's been a little hard for me. Thanks for reminding me how to love her thru this :).
Tara Byndom
Ericka I'm still struggling trying to find my way with my boys they are 18 and 16 I was a single parent for so long trying to complete school while still providing for them mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. Often times I was so tired after schoo,l after work, after tball practice, after soccer, after a basketball game (being emotionally drained myself) that I often dropped the ball on small things that mattered most reading bedtime stories baking
brownies etc. I made every game, I made every school play, every church speech but I forgot to just be a parent. My discipline was inconsistent, my ability to make them accountable was poor and, my ability to make them well rounded without
overloading them with things I wanted them to do was poor. By the grace of God their some good boys and God has even given me a second chance with my daughter to polish our nails together to bake together and to just spend girl time doing things that are important to her. My boys are starting college and senior year in high school and I am so grateful that they think I'm a great mom even though I know I could have done better.
WoW......As the Father of 16 & 12 year old girls & a17 yr.old Son I can empathize with your struggles. One of my biggest struggles is shifting parental modes to deal with each child. My 12 yr. old is self conscious about her body & generally unsure of herself so I find myself sometimes not being as supportive as I could be. My 16yr. old is an academic All Star & leader in every since of the word,(PJA would love her to death),so I find myself not giving her as much attention because she requires less of me than the other 2. My Son is exactly how I was @ PSM. Intellectually unmotivated & overall just lazy,so I'm in drill sargeant mode with him. Ericka you are doing a Great Job from what I hear,never doubt yourself as a parent. One thing I have come to learn is that everyrthing we do as parents we do out of love & as a reaction to some things we didn't like that our own upbringing bore to us.. Unknowingly I think we are conditioned as children to become the parents we are & your love for all of your children will shine through. " Mistakes will be made AND corrected but remember that those experiences are shaping future parents. Parenting is a gift from God & THE most important job 1 will ever undertake. With that said God Bless all the parents out there.
Thanks to all of those who really touched me with such powerful words and connecting thoughts. I too sometimes find myself coming up short or feeling guilty for not slowing down sometimes just to be a mom. As a single parent, it easily became routine to always stay in the fast lane consumed with everyday
activities..with my daughter following suit as a latch-
key kid at 6 years old!! By the grace of God , we got through it. But somehow, we never switched gears, she's 16 now. Ironically, we still managed to get our "I love you's" and "Momma is proud of you" in. Deep down inside, it's really not enough for me. Definitely a wake up call!!!
The destination isn't the goal its about enjoying the journey. Thanks for reminding me to enjoy the journey
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