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| My 9-month old's closet. How much is too much? |
Yesterday, I spent much of the day nursing two sick kids– one with incredible migraines and the baby, with a temperature of 102.4. Needless to say, there wasn't much me-time. This morning, when I sat down to write, I wasn't sure what I would write about. Rarely do I know what the subject of the day will be. I just look to God to place something on my mind that is sincere and worthy of sharing. As soon as I logged in, the following message appeared from a loyal follower of my blog:
Good Morning. Parent to Parent, I was just wondering if you have experienced selfishness in your children and thought to yourself if you have given them too much or made things too accessible and easy for them?....If so, I think parents who read your blog would find a disscussion very theraputic & cathartic. Yout post yesterday got me thinking about simplicity.
What a great question! My husband and I struggle with this all the time. We both came from very little, financially, and learned early on the value of hard work, discipline and integrity (wink, wink to my felllow PSMers). We knew that we had to work harder than most to go half as far. We had a constant struggle, but were taught not to whine and complain, but to embrace challenges for the wonderful opportunities that they are. My mom never had to stay on me about homework or grades because I knew that in order to make it, my grades had to be exceptional.
We also were very appreciative. When we got new things, we treated them like they were gold because we understood how hard our parents had to work to buy them for us. We had school clothes and play clothes and wouldn't dare be caught playing in our school clothes. We helped around the house because it was our responsibility and not because we got an allowance.
So the question becomes, how do we instill the same morals, gratitude, discipline and hard-working mentality in our children as our parents instilled in us? I personally think it starts with the small things. I had to get on my daughter about getting up from the table and making herself something to drink without asking the rest of the family if they wanted drinks. The example I gave was, what if I were to come downstairs, make dinner for just myself and sit down and eat? How considerate would that be? Not considerate at all.
Or what if you(my daughter) saved your money for weeks and bought me a really nice necklace and you came up to my room the next day and found it on the floor, how would that make you feel? I also try to give them real examples of kids who have taken all that they have been given for granted and have ended up dropping out of school or not doing much with their lives. We throw around the saying, "To whom much is given, much is expected" (deriving from Luke 12:48). I don't, however, think that as parents we really bring the meaning of that "home" for our children.
I personally struggle with how much should I expect of them? I do expect service in some form to others, an appreciation for the opportunities and things that they are given and an acknowledgment that God is the reason for their wealth (and I''m not talking financial wealth).
I am certainly not perfect in this area and hope that you will post today for the parent who sent this question to me and for me! I welcome any responses that will help me raise well-rounded, global citizens, who feel a sense of responsibility to all mankind. Please give me your thoughts on how we can all raise kids that truly love their neighbors as they love themselves...
Looking Forward to Day 25!
4 comments:
Great post Ericka! I struggle with this as well. at home. I stress to my 11 year old that anything outside of basic needs (food, shelter, basic clothes) are blessings. God's blessings which sometimes come thru me and sometimes thru others. As her mom she's not entitled to reap the benefits of my earnings...I CHOOSE to share them with you because she shows me kindness and respect, appreciation for her blessings.
I try to be care not to raise a child that walks around feeling ENTITLED. It's difficult to remember the teaching that goes along with giving our child what they desire. Especially given our struggles. I have recently started giving Kaia chores around the house. My dad (god bless him) use to say all the time when he gave us chores, "You have to earn your keep". I thought that was sooooo mean! But I will say that as I walked thru life it stucked with me and I do feel the need to EARN my keep in everything. On a job, with relationships, spiritually,... I understand the value of making deposits prior to making withdrawals...Lol. Working hard at earning my blessings. I let my girls hear me say "Thank You Lord for another day and thank you for all my blessings."
Great topic...I could go on forever.
Tara
I do believe I have raised my son to be selfish. Even though he was an only child for 10 years, I raised my nephew alongside him and they each had their own belongings. They shared with each other, but that's not enough. I grew up in the projects until the age of 15, so of course now that it's possible; I want to give my son the best. And because he was such a good kid, I felt he deserved it. On the flip side, I was not into the community and service and didn't instill it in him. But I have always spoken to him about helping others and being kind and courteous…. Still not enough. We go to church on Sundays, and he appreciates that. We pray together. He’s active in church…. Still not enough.
It was only just about four or five years ago that I've grown into wanting to do service in the community, and help others along the way. I joined a professional organization that was about service and I got on the ball. I enrolled my son into City year and every other Saturday they would go out and do small projects. When I asked him about helping with projects that I work on such as feeding the homeless, working with people living with HIV/AIDS, he's very reluctant, but we're getting there. I almost waited too late because if it's not instilled in them early, when they become teens they may not want to become involved unless it's forced on them. Now he has to earn service learning hours for his scholarship program, and he'll be out with me instead of choosing easy assignments to get 2 hours for. For a while, I was in school in the evenings and when we got home, it was after 9 pm so now it’s bedtime and no chores for him. Now he’s earning his tickets to movies, bus/train fare, clothes, & shoes.
We should raise the bar at home with higher expectations. They should have more chores at home besides what needs to be done in their bedroom. They should be out once or twice a month doing some type of service. They should see the struggles of others and the smiles they'll receive from just helping another person in need. Maybe they’ll appreciate and be grateful for whom they are, what they have, and the morals and values their parents have instilled in them. Thanks for this post. It’s definitely 1 to grow on.
M. Beckworth
To whom much is given, much is expected... Luke 12:48),I like that. Sometimes we as parents give TOO much. We take our childhood experiences and tend to overcompensate where our children are concerned because of them. Sometimes we supplant NO for providing them with excesses because we don't want them to be without the things they desire not need. Sometimes some of that good "Old School" upbringing is needed but for whatever the reasons we have become a little less diligent than our parents were in giving that good instruction. To whom much is given much is expected....Luke 12:48.
Please give me your thoughts on how we can all raise kids that truly love their neighbors as they love themselves...
- We as parents need to be the example. We need to unbusy ourselves enough to volunteer in our communities, and help others in need. And when we take the time to become do-gooders in our communities, our children need to be right there by our sides. Often times, our kids model their lives after us. We need to make sure they see that our unselfishness goes beyond what we give them on the daily basis. (Great post, partna!)
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