Day Five, I decided to live!

Today was a tough day.  My husband was traveling, so everything fell on my shoulders.  First, I had to feed and walk the dog and feed the family breakfast.  Then I was off to drop my oldest daughter at the gym by 9am, then my middle daughter at the dentist by 10 am, then to drop off school uniforms to the embroidery shop to be embroidered, then feeding the two girls that were with me.  Then work for an hour.  Then back to get my oldest daughter from the gym at 1pm.  Then home to feed her and the baby again.  Then piano practice at home.  Then drove 45 minutes to piano lessons.  Then drove another hour to take my middle daughter to the gym from 6-9.  Then discovered there was a screw in my tire...so off to get it fixed while she was at the gym.  Then finally home at 9:30 pm.  Where did the day go?

When I have days like this, there is one thing--actually, one person that gets me through it...my mom.  My mom deserves an award for patience, as she manages to have between 5 and 10 conversations  with me per day.  Sometimes our conversations are between drives--Then it's, "Let me take her in and I'll call you back."  How annoying to have every conversation interrupted in this way, but she so understands my life, that she never gets frustrated--even if she is in the middle of a story.  She just responds, "ok!"--and manages to remember exactly where she left off with our conversation.


So, last night when I got home, my husband was home.  Thank God I didn't have to walk the dog or feed him again.  He had already done it.  He was sitting on the couch, obviously recovering from a world-wind one-day trip to Miami for work.  He was tired.  I sat across from him on the couch and we caught up on each other's day.  The kids talked about how much they had read, what skills they worked on in gymnastics and other things about their day.  I found myself dozing off and before you knew it, I was asleep in the chair....

I mention all of this to say that at times like this, I appreciate my mother and all that she has done for me more than anyone could imagine.  I often wonder how she did it all with my siblings and me.   Last night, I sat down to do something I've often thought of doing, but have never MADE the time to do.  I wrote my mom a letter.  Here goes:

Dear Mother,

I am sitting down with no distractions–to write this letter to you because I wanted you to know how much I appreciate your love and support over the years.  I didn't want another day to pass without telling you just how much all your hard work, discipline and involvement in my life has meant.  I  have wanted to write for a while, but never could seem to sit down and put my thoughts on paper.  You are the epitome of what a mother should be and I thank you for so many things that you have done for me and for so many awesome qualities you have instilled in me.  There were many times in my life that my path could have gone a different way, but it didn't.  Thank you for keeping me on track.  As I started to think about how to express my gratitude, I figured the best way is via examples.

Thank you.  Thank you for spanking me when I got into your perfume and lied about it.  That must have been such a hard day for you.  I wreaked of your perfume, but continued to lie and say that I didn't have it.  I remember you questioning me and saying that you were not going to raise a liar.  You did so, until I told the truth.  The truth is that the spanking didn't hurt.  What hurt me was that I had betrayed your trust.  After 20 minutes or so, I finally admitted to the fact that I had taken the perfume and dropped and destroyed the bottle.  You taught me to be honest. 

Thank you for teaching me that my body was both private and worthy of protection.  I can remember when you were sick and had to go to the hospital.  You sent our choir director over to the house to talk to my sister and me, who had been fighting about only God knows what!  We were making it tough on my older sisters who were our babysitters while you were away.  He came over and took us in a "private room to talk to us."  He tried to get us to take our clothes off and use his sneaky tactics into scaring us into doing it.  He tried his best to use the fact that you were upset with us to lure us into dangerous territory...but we were smart!  You had taught us that nothing was too bad to tell you and that your love was unconditional.  We told him that he was crazy and stood strong and united in telling him that it wasn't going to happen.  I can remember my sister and I looking at each other and laughing.  Somehow, we weren't afraid!  He was forced to adjust his thinking and we were safe as a result.  You never sent us with him again.  You taught us that we could come to you with anything, that you put no one before us and that our bodies were temples. 

Thank you for not giving us kids all the graphic details when you and my father separated.  I know that you didn't plan for things to end the way that they did.  I remember when we would get angry with you and kick and scream at you for leaving him.  Although it would have been easy to tell us of his shortcomings, you never did!  You continued to share only his good qualities with us.  How hard that must have been for you!  Your strength taught me that it was okay to give love a chance, without fear of being hurt.  Thank you.

Thank you for helping me to be become financially responsible.  I remember my first job at Arista records.  I earned $440 net pay every two weeks.  You taught me early to put some away.  I would keep half and the other half would go to things we needed and you'd save some for things I'd need down the line.  I thought you were so cruel because my friends got to spend everything they made.  I was so naive.  Today, Mom, I thank you.  You taught me that spending every penny you have is never a good idea.  You taught me early in life the value of a dollar!

Thank you for letting me have a voice.  Growing up as the youngest one in the family makes it easy to never have your voice heard.  You never let that happen.  Whatever opinion I had, you never silenced it.  You wanted to know what I thought and you always sought out my opinion.  You were quick to present other sides and genuinely wanted to know my response.  You still do.  I love that you trust me enough to call and ask for advice.  The truth is that you always know that my advice will be sound because you know how you raised me.  You taught me to be honest, humble and diplomatic.  I can remember a college professor telling me that diplomacy was the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip...not exactly how I would define it, but you certainly have taught me to be kind, diplomatic and empathetic.

Thank you for pushing me academically.  Although you were on a limited budget, you found a way to send me to the best schools; to enter me in the best programs; to send me abroad to study; to put me through law school, to help pay my rent when I struggled:)...all so that I wouldn't have to be "The Help."  The vivid, sometimes horrifying stories you shared of growing up as a girl picking cotton every day, having to cook and clean for white families so that you and your family could eat--these stories inspired me to want more, to work harder and to prepare myself academically for life.  Thank you Mom.  You taught me the value of education.

Thank you for encouraging me to give of myself.  I remember random people from the neighborhood stopping by to see what you had cooked for dinner.  I remember you feeding them all.  I would sometimes think that we could have more if you didn't feed the whole neighborhood, but when I would see the look on their faces and hear the laughter and conversation, I knew why you did it.  I understood your giving spirit and I knew that some day, I would be exactly the same way, giving of myself until I couldn't give anymore.  The truth is that the greatest joy I receive is from helping others.  You taught me that.  My program for girls is a direct result of the work ethic and discipline you poured into my sisters and me. You taught me not simply to give, but to teach a man to fish, so that he may have it for a lifetime. 

I don't want this letter to go on and on forever--because it certainly could.  Instead, I will close with a funny characteristic that you have embedded in me..it's the gift of quick wit!!!  It's no secret that I always talk to my girls about positive mental attitude, so when a coach said once to one of them--"that's a terrible back handspring!"--Before I knew it, the words had come out..."and that was equally as terrible a statement."  My dear mother, you have blessed me with an amazing ability to be blunt, yet loved by most everyone.--I did say most everyone:) 

You have blessed me with the ability to be smart, but not a smart a--.  You 've helped me to be empathetic, but not sympathetic.  You've taught me to be generous, but not foolish.  You have shaped the woman I am today and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I remember the day when you called me with a letter you had written about the kind of person I am.  You read the entire letter on the phone–and what a beautiful letter it was–only to be told by the person on the other end,  I'm not sure who this Ericka is, but right about about now, I'm wishing I were her!"  lol  You're a great lady, Mother...and what I like most about you is that when you're wrong about something, you might not acknowledge it right away, but you always do acknowledge it.  You've taught me so many wonderful things.............................................now only, if you had taught me to cook as well as you:):)

I love you, Mother!

Ericka


LOOKING FORWARD TO DAY SIX!