Mom of 3 girls takes you on her inspirational journey to live life to the fullest for 365 days prior to her 40th birthday...and invites you to take the pledge to live your best life!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Day 25, What's facebook doing to your marriage?


I've thought about writing an article on the effects Facebook can have on a marriage, but was torn about it.  I was torn because a lot of the information I have gained in support of the article is related to my experience as a family mediator.  I decided, however, that it was an issue worth writing loosely about–but of course, I will not make any references to clients.  I am merely approaching the subject in hopes that couples can have healthy dialogue about that which is acceptable for their individual families.

Most of us who have Facebook accounts have seen it at one time or another.  You see married people  who are now "Facebook friends" with people they used to date.  I personally don't see anything wrong with remaining friends with people who you've dated in the past...so long as the friendship is respectful to your marriage.  The problem comes in when it goes too far.  What happens when the once-quick, informal posts become personal inbox messages and later leads to longer, in-depth conversations?  Is that okay?

Is it okay for wives to complain to their ex-boyfriends about the problems they are having with their husbands or for husbands to talk to ex-girlfriends  about what their wives aren't doing in the marriage?  I think it's important for a couple to realize that it may be easier than they think for their spouse to reach out to a person who at one time knew them very well–and that the comfort they feel with that person can quickly create a strain in a marriage.

Do you have a friend who has rekindled an old relationship via Facebook?  What about your family?  Have you set rules around Facebook?  Should you set rules?  Is it okay for a spouse to "friend" an ex?  Has Facebook created a strain in your marriage?  Have you rekindled an old flame via Facebook?  I'd love to hear what you have to say.  Please comment, anonymously, of course...I wouldn't want to create any problems, but am curious as to how married couples should treat Facebook.   Should you know each other's passwords?  Do you think Facebook could cause a divorce...or do you think in these cases, Facebook is not the cause, but is simply an avenue for a problem that already existed?     Tell me what you think!

Ericka



Stay tuned for Day 26!



4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I totally agree that Facebook can propagate any crack in your relationship....just one more way bleeding hearts can achieve artificial comfort/ healing. However I don't believe it is a root cause...

DwightG said...

There's a reason he or she is an ex. You can't relive the past.

Susana Rodriguez de Tembleque said...

Ericka, great question, as always.
Whatever leads a marriage to fail—Facebook cannot be blamed. They are just an avenue. Like a phone. Like email. Yes, it facilitates those reencounters, but it does not originate the problems in a marriage.

Anonymous said...

I don't believe Facebook can be THE cause of marital strain or problems; I believe the marital issues already existed, and Facebook provided an outlet for either spouse to do what they would otherwise not do: reach out to someone whom they once felt close to or safe with.

I also don't see how an ex can be a friend. What conversations would one have? Where would the line be drawn as to what is appropriate information to share and what is not? That's a slippery slope and a blurred line that most people have difficulties distinguishing the right from the wrong. My rule of thumb is: if my husband were to read / hear a message I'd written to / left for another person, would I be disrespectful to our marriage? Would I be compromising my vows, morals, values, and beliefs? Would I be able to stand by my message either today or years from now?