Days 63-65, The hardest decision I've made in a while...

UPDATE TO TODAY'S POST - 

I corrected a few MAJOR photo and video issues!  Blogger was not cooperating today!

I could barely sleep.  This weekend was a difficult weekend for me.  I spent most of Friday night tossing and turning, trying to convince myself that I've made the right decision.  Just as I  thought that I'd come to terms with the new move to Belgium, I started to get this aching feeling in my stomach that somehow wouldn't seem to pass.  You see, I've been down this road before.

Eight years ago, I had my second daughter and at that I was practicing law full-time.  I loved the independence of being in private practice and loved the concept of practicing "street law" even more.  Everyday, I helped someone who really needed my help navigate through the legal system.  Gone were the days of working for a firm, where I was more concerned about billable hours than about the people who really needed me.  My practice had grown to the point where almost every minute of the day was spent on one of my cases.  Although I loved it, I knew that having a second baby had changed my life forever.

That's how it happens.  One day you're going through life and you realize that this isn't the life you want to live.  That day came for me when my middle daughter was three days old.  My law partner at the time had a schedule as busy as mine.  He focused on criminal matters and wasn't as versed as I on family and real estate cases...so when I had four closings in one day, there wasn't much he could do to help.  So, I found myself taking my three-day old baby to the title company to close three deals and using their fax machines to close another.  As I looked down at that little life, I knew that something had to give.  Within a few months, I had given it all up.  The decision was even easier when my husband got a job opportunity in another state.  I gave it all up to spend time with my family and pour the love and attention into my girls that they needed.

When we moved, I decided that I loved the law too much to completely walk away from it, so I opened a mediation practice and spent my days helping parties resolve disputes versus the mean, bitter fight of representing one party or the other in family cases.  I love family mediation for three reasons.  First, I get to work with the parties instead of against one of the parties.  Most times, if I can get two people in a room, we can figure out a peaceful resolution, an agreement that both parties can live with.  Even better, I get to represent the voice of the children.  When parents are divorcing, the fight typically becomes about them and less about the children.  It's a pleasure to be able to remind parents of what's really important.  Finally, I love the fact that mediation cases don't linger on for years.  Usually a mediation is resolved within days and the file is closed forever, unlike traditional court cases that can go on for years.

Heading to my office

So here I am, same situation, eight years later...A mediation practice that I love, a new baby and a husband that has another great opportunity for the family...This is why I couldn't sleep on Friday night.  I had given my landlord proper notice that I would be vacating my office by October 1st.  Saturday morning was the day to clear it all out and start over.  I didn't realize how difficult it would be until I got there.  My husband came along and helped.  I felt bad,  He felt bad and wanted to talk about it; I didn't.    I just wanted to pack up and keep it moving.  So, we cleared out an office that I'd occupied for two years in record time, two hours.

Packing up my office!

Clearing it all out...

Signing out...

As difficult as it is to make such an important decision, I try not to look back.  I often struggle with whether I've made the right choices.  All I could do was to ask God to guide me... and let go and enjoy the ride.  This is a ride after all, isn't it? 

Whenever I doubt whether I've made the right choice, something small happens that makes me realize what life is all about.  As the saying goes, for me it's not about the house I live in, the job I have or the thousands of other things I could name.  It really is about whether I've made a difference in the life of a child.  Here are the small things that happened over the last three days that made me realize that spending quality time with my family is and should always be number one on my list of priorities.

My middle daughter completely in love with books!  She's read 40 books in the last 33 days!

My oldest learning a new beam routine...

My 11 month old learning to cover her mouth when she coughs!

I asked God for a sign that we are making the right decision and there it was:)

And for all of this I say, Thank You Lord...I won't complain!

After I posted this blog, Devin Johnson posted this version of the song.  I decided to update the blog because this is the version I LOVE!  John Legend was easy on the eyes and somehow made it to my blog instead...lol!

Looking forward to Day 66!